Living with loss.

It has taken me almost a year to finish this blog. It was just too painful to get through for a while. It is still painful but I am ready to share.

On April 16, 2024 my husband’s phone rang at 4:30 on a Tuesday morning. I remember the immediate feeling of dread. I couldn’t breathe. A phone call at 4:30 in the morning is almost never good. This one proved me right.

I heard our daughter in law’s father speaking over the phone, practically choking on the words he had to say. “ Joe, I have some very bad news. Your son has passed”. There was more to it than that but that is all I recall.

Our son was thirty three and had struggled with substance abuse disorder for nearly ten years. He fought hard through rehab, counseling, relapse, more rehab and more counseling. After a fairly long recovery period, he and his long time companion married and started life as a couple, making a home and making a future for themselves.

He was so loved by us all, his wife, parents, siblings, extended family and so many friends. We tried so hard to support him with abundant love and understanding.

Then, he faltered. He fought so hard. He won so many battles but ultimately lost the war.

I remember when Michael lost his young daughter, tragically, in a car accident in 1994, the very week I began work at his shop. I did not know Kezziah, but I was to learn about her over the years through stories and fond remembrances from Michael, her big brothers and from the others that worked and had watch Kezziah grow up in Michael’s shop. While sympathetic about such loss, I could not relate to that level of grief.

Some years later, I was in the office when my co-worker and dear friend got word over the phone that her young son had unexpectedly passed. I remember the scream that came from somewhere deep inside of her…I would remember that sound on that early spring morning, because I heard it again, only this time the scream was coming from within me.

While I prefer to use this platform as a way to share hopefulness, joy and remembrance through Michael’s designs, I felt the need to share our loss. Missing Joey is hard for all who loved him, but we shall cling to the memories, remember the joy and the laughter.

We know that Joey is in a safe place.

And now we live with the loss.